Wank Swap: S1 E6

Wank Swap reminds you to renew your television license.


The zombie of former CNN talk show host Eliot Spitzer lectures
the Belgian people about the importance of consistent leadership.
[Zombie Spitzer remarks that "the rumors of [his]
undeath have been greatly exaggerated.]

Meanwhile:

Belgian Prime Minister Yves Leterme is unimpressed.
[Leterme (Hugh Grant, actually) stands in front of
the US Capitol noting that "you assholes have no idea who I am."]


Will French Prime Minister Nicolas Sarkozy make his connecting flight? Find out soon on Wank Swap!


[Zarkozy asks, "What the hell is a bennigan?"]

Previously: Season Preview, S1 E1, S1 E2, S1 E3, S1 E4, S1 E5

Wank Swap: S1 E5

Brought to you by Sweden.
Sweden: We tried to warn you. Nobody listens to us.


Thanks to a recent free trade agreement, South Korean Prime Minister Kim Hwang-Sik tours America in his chromed-out Cadillac Escalade.
[Kim drives his sweet ride while singing "Everybody's working for the weekend."]

Meanwhile:

Paul Krugman wallows in self pity outside of a Seoul bar, alone, unloved.
[Krugman holds his head in his hands while thinking "I could've gone to the University of Chicago.]

Previously: Season Preview, S1 E1, S1 E2, S1 E3, S1 E4

Wank Swap: S1 E4

Note: If you're a lot like me, you're probably wondering why today's episode doesn't refer to the very latest developments in global economic wankery. Unfortunately, Wank Swap has a rather long production cycle. Between calming the egos involved and finding technicians to work our very pricey photographic voice capture device, our lead time is months. (I'm making these after work on Fridays, when I'm extra punchy.)

I'm sure if Shakesville's board of directors picks up its option for another season of Wank Swap, the show will revisit certain European leaders' outrage over the sudden outbreak of democracy in Greece OF ALL PLACES. Or at least it will if French President Nicolas Sarkozy finds a way out of the Detroit airport.
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Today's episode of Wank Swap is brought to you by Fiat, makers of fine luxury cars since last month when we hired J-Lo.


Arizona Governor Jan Brewer pitches a familiar proposal
to the island nation of Australia.
[Brewer stands in front of Uluru Ayer's rock, asking "Have you tried building a wall?"]

Meanwhile:

Former Australian Prime Minister John Howard faces a
restless crowd at a California Barnes & Noble.
[The crowd chants "We want Opie!"]

Previously: Season Preview, S1 E1, S1 E2, S1 E3

Wank Swap: S1 E3

Brought to you by Sun Drop
Sun Drop: It's like Fanta, only without all that freaky eurodancing.


John McCain taps into contemporary anxieties, suggesting an
unfortunate means of enhancing economic growth.
[McCain stands in front of an English castle asking "Have you tried building a wall?"]

Meanwhile:

British Prime Minister David Cameron is sorely
disappointed by the state of American technology.
[Cameron stands in front of the US-Mexico border, complaining that he "was led to believe there were sharks...and laser beams."]

Later on Wank Swap:

French President Nicolas Sarkozy has important shit to do,
but he's stuck at the Detroit airport.
[Nicolas Sarkozy eyes a basket of chili cheese fries and asks,
"So American cheese is a "thing" now?]

Previously: Season Preview, S1 E1, S1 E2

Wank Swap: S1 E2

Brought to you by Konami, makers of Basque Basque Revolution.


With US elections just over a year away, President
Barack Obama visits Greece to urge moderation.
[Obama saying "Heyyyyy, sit on it!"]

Meanwhile:

Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou has a brilliant plan to save America, but finds himself trapped at a fundraising gala in New York.
[George Papandreou exclaims "I've pulled better finger food out of my ass."]

Previously: Season Preview, S1 E1

Wank Swap: S1 E1

Airing at 2200 GMT:


The grim specter of zombie Andrew Mellon returns to haunt Germany.
[Zombie Andrew Mellon stands in front of the
Brandenburg Gate moaning "You owe me your braaaaainnnz!"]

Meanwhile...

While visiting southern Indiana, German Chancellor Angela Merkel finds a surprising inspiration for future economic policy.
[Angela Merkel stands in front of a Waffle House,
thinking "Maybe I'll chunk it."]

Previously.

Three Birds. One Show.

1. Europe: Yeeeeeaaaaah, not so much. (Well...)
2. The United States: SUPERCONGRESS!
3. NBC: The Playboy Club (Whoops!)

Europe and the US clearly need to try something different, and NBC's desperate for a brand new show that's basically just a slightly repackaged version of an existing show.

I give you Wank Swap, the new reality show where European and American leaders trade places to weigh in on important issues of economic policy.

Because I once had forty-five minutes of free time and something resembling Photoshop, I've been able to track down some stills from the first season:


[French President Nicolas Sarkozy struggles to give the tiniest infinitesimal fuck about a county fair in US Representative John Boehner's southwestern Ohio Congressional district.]


[US Senator Mitch McConnell beats a hasty retreat through the Frankfurt airport after disrupting a European Central Bank meeting to suggest that Belgium could really "lighten up".]


[US Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner saves London from a dalek, or vice versa.]


[In season one's most shocking episode, Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi serves as New Jersey's governor for four months. His cover is blown during an impromptu concert with the floating head and torso of White House Council for Community Solutions member Jon Bon-Jovi.]


[In a very special episode, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper makes a guest appearance, cooking dinner for The Beaver the son of ECB president Jean-Claude Trichet. Portugal is doomed to a thousand years of hyperinflation.]

I'm not saying that this show is a good idea. I just think it's a lot better than anything anyone's tried so far.