Toys for tots, tits, tatts

With Christmas within arm's reach, all kinds of marketers are trying to get a piece of the spirit. It sometimes leads to odd couplings.

Chicago's Admiral Theater, which despite the classy name is actually a strip club, is offering to exchange one free lap dance for a donation of a toy for charity.

Aren't all lap dances for the "needy"?

In Memphis, Tattoo artist Jay Guzman is offering free tatts for a toy donation to his favourite Christian cause.

Huffington Post says that when customers bring in a toy worth $25 or more, Monday through Wednesday, they can get a tattoo or piercing of comparable price in exchange. Guzman said in an interview, "Everybody associates tattoo artists with being criminals, bikers, degenerates — and I'm a believing Christian and I believe what better way to be Christ-like than by giving back."

It's a good point. Strip clubs, tattoo parlours... if Jesus the man were here right now, that's exactly where he would do his ministry: among the very people his more hypocritical followers despise.

Talking dolls have some choice words for Christmas shoppers

The ridiculously overpriced "You & Me Interactive Triplet Dolls" set, sold at Toys R Us this Christmas season, created by LearnRight Toys, have something to say to American shoppers who are a little too obsessed with the mad rush for deals this "Black Friday":



Listen to the baby. Stop the craziness.

Via The Stir

F'd Ad Fridays: What a shitty Xmas gift

Jezebel says this is the "it toy" the the UK this Christmas. I think they left out a couple of consonants.

Barbie? Is that you?

This collector's edition doll is designed by Japanese-inspired Italian "lifestyle brand" Tokidoki, and is available for $50 at their online store.

The pitch:

"Tokidoki® Barbie® doll is always ready for cutting-edge fashion! This funky fashionista features trendy tattoos and a pink bob. With cactus friend, Bastardino, by her side, she’s ready for fun in fashion-forward form!"

Pink hair? Tattoos? "Bastardino"?

This isn't your grandmother's feminine ideal.

F'd Ad Fridays: The Googlher pings you in the...

This one is pretty naughty, so you'll want to watch with discretion. There are loud moans.



Apparently, it is based on Google Alarm, an application that alerts you every time Google interacts with (pings) your computer as part of its updates and data mining.

F.A.T. explains:

The Googlher is a device which plugs into your computer and triggers a bullet vibrator any time that Google pings your web browser (with the aid of The Googlher Firefox Add-on). By doing so, The Googlher translates Google’s pervasive reach into highly stimulating vibrations for vaginal or anal web browsing. Mistrust and fear Google’s omnipotent ways no longer as the web giant profoundly soothes, touches, and moves you. This is perhaps the biggest thing to happen to augmented reality since the invention of methamphetamine.

What an interesting way to remind people that Google is getting intimate with their personal habits. And nerds will be pleased to know that it's open source.

F'd Ad Fridays: American stereotypes, cast in polyresin for your enjoyment

I was doing my usual rounds for content, and decided to see if I could find any tacky Jesus Christ toys on Amazon. (There were many.)

And then I stumbled upon this:

Jesus is part of the "American Diorama" series of die cast metal miniatures. You can also buy his girlfriend Erika, complete with acid wash jeans and slutty top:

Am I reading too much into the choice of a Latino name for this guy?

BTW, he also has a twin brother, Jose, who for some reason costs $2 more.

Ah, wait... here's the problem. They screwed up the product shot. According to the manufacturer's site, Jesus is actually this car thief:

His half-dressed girlfriend is Monica.

And he likes to steal police cars.

Man, Sheriff Dave is going to be pissed.

Once he finishes writing up these very strange looking rednecks for open liquor at their tailgate party.

And runs the Hell's Angels out of town...

And don't even ask what he's going to do to Sailor Moon (...?)

Ah, America...

Check out Monica's Arschgeweih...

F'd Ad Fridays: Universal Serial Dildo

WARNING:  The embedded video contains images of phallic sex toys.



Finally — a vibrator that you plug into your laptop. (Oh, wait...)

Here's the pitch from their crowdfunding page at CKIE:

"We began with a shared vision: creating high quality, elegant vibrators for women. Because when it comes to the products currently on the market, even some of the better ones are over-the-top—the kind of thing you hide under your bed, feeling like a teenager with a dirty magazine. Instead, we imagined toys so beautiful and discreet that they could live in your purse or your vanity. We envisioned elegant, discreet, and sensual products—ones that invite you to touch and experience instead of hiding them away. Because if anything deserves good design, it's the things we bring to bed with us.

In that spirit, we launched Crave, a team comprised of industrial designer Ti Chang and entrepreneur Michael Topolovac. Combining Ti’s design ability, Michael’s engineering background, and the personal experiences of the many women we interviewed, we emerged with our first product, the Duet: a discreet, USB rechargeable vibrator."

Tip via Buzzfeed