F'd Ad Fridays: Bottle-feeding in Vietnam

Okay, it's not an ad. But it is effed:



Jeez, dudes, breast is best!

Don't even ask how I found this. YouTube can be a scary place.

The wonderful world of David Attenborough

BBC Nature Presenter and documentary legend David Attenborough is one of my personal heroes. My nature-loving son's too. So it was sad to hear that the aged voice of nature will probably not make another show.

The BBC paid tribute to one of its legends with this compilation of breathtaking footage from some of his shows to that voice giving us a spoken-word rendition of jazz standard "What a Wonderful World":



Mr. Attenborough just recently wound up his last series, Frozen Planet. You may know it from this amazing video that is making the viral rounds:



What a wonderful world. And it's all the more wonderful when described by someone who loves it so much.

F'd Ad Fridays: Now with more Jordache than you can shake your ass at

I don't know if any of the rest of you clicked on the 1980 Jordache jeans spot that popped up as a reco after playing their '70s ad embedded in a previous post. I just now did:



Jordache was know in the '70s for being focussed on how tight they were on the bum.

Which is fine with adults. But translating the slogan and the ass shots to a classroom full of kids? And their teacher?

Times sure have changed. Although in the interest of full disclosure, I had myself a pair of those things on my prepubescent butt within a year after this ad was made.

Have a great weekend, all.

Volkswagen Golf: Saviour of hedgehogs

Hedgehogs are the common roadkill of Europe. The poor little bastards have the unfortunate habit of rolling into a prickly ball instead of running from danger — hardly a match for an oncoming car.



It's extremely cute, and a smart way to promote the new Golf's various safety features.

And in racially-charged Europe, it's even pro-immigrant! Because those cute little guys they show in close-up are actually African hedgehogs. I know, I used to have one.

This is a European hog.

Fundamentalist book reviews: Walmart Edition

A YouTube user calling himself "GodGunsGutsGlory4KJV" has taken it on himself to expose Walmart's secret plot to turn America's children over to witchcraft, satanism, and possibly even liberalism with morals-destroying books DISPLAYED IN PLAIN VIEW while the Bibles are on the bottom shelf.



In case you aren't sufficiently impressed by his righteousness, he liberally (sorry, "conservatively") peppers Bible verse art cards throughout the video.

The other issues he tackles in his online video series are "chem trail" conspiracies, vaccination (he's against), television the literal truth of the King James Bible and "those who are giving their child over to the filthy lucre of modeling or hollywood!"

It's really good to see this guy doing so much work to protect our children. (Except for his, who he seems to keep ignoring and losing track of at Walmart.)

Ladmag interactive wants readers to tug their Halloweenies

Zoo Magazine uploaded this YouTube interactive last week, but I just saw it today.



It basically has three of the magazine's busty models show up at your door and offer to strip for you. Not really a breakthrough in the portrayal of women in popular media.

It might also be a bit of a frustration for the teenage boys and old pervs who get worked up over it, as it is still YouTube.

Which, from a strictly marketing perspective, is a pretty effective tease strategy. Want to see her surgically-enhanced breasts in all their ungravitational glory? You'll have to go to their site.

F'd Ad Fridays: "Pizza Party" is the worst music video you will see (for the next few minutes, anyway)

I'm not sure whether they're promoting their music or selling pizza. Probably both. Or neither. I don't care.



Ummm... yeah.

The disturbing adolescent world of Duke Nukem

Adland reports that this trailer for Duke Nukem Forever has been banned from British TV during primetime.



The ASA said, "In regard to the scenes of violence, the ASA admitted that the ad was not overly graphic for broadcast after 9pm. However, the ad watchdog said that the scenes showing "women's naked bodies and their very sexual movements and gyrations were overly sexually explicit" for airing at 9pm."

I'm not a gamer myself, but I try to keep up on pop culture. This game is a revival of the Duke Nukem character of the'90s, who was an over-the-top send up on action stars of the '80s, particularly Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone.

Whatever you think of the genre, as a teenage boy at that time it was lots of fun. The bad guys were cartoonish, and the good guys were tough and funny.

But the Nukem game added an extra pop culture element that was missing from those films: women as commoditized tits and ass as reward for the ero. For that, you had to go to sci fi fantasy sources like Heavy Metal.

It's hard to believe this guy was played by John Candy.

The game then combines two major instincts shared by many teenage boys — sex and violence. Nothing new there. The whole post-Vietnam war movie genre is based on the idea of bloodily annihilating scores of faceless, dehumanized foreigners. Sometimes that includes the real war activities of raping civilian women or else taking advantage of locals driven to prostitution.

"Me love you long time!" from Full Metal Jacket

The Duke Nukem world makes the awful human tragedy of warfare even more accessible to boys with somewhat of an undamaged moral compass. The dehumanized foreigners are truly inhuman—they're aliens. And instead of violating or paying women for sexual rewards, Duke enjoys free beer and shows from another professional class of sex worker — strippers.

One gamer has been helpful enough to record some of the "mature" highlights of the game and post them on YouTube:



In addition to the strippers, it has Duke getting hammered at the "club" and getting blown in a glory hole immediately after urinating (you actually thought that was a woman, Duke?) But don't worry, there's vicarious rape too, as the  lesbian incestuous twins kiss each other then get kidnapped, sexually assimilated, impregnated and exploded by the enemy.

Their last words? "We'll get the weight off, in like a week! We swear!"

Like I said before, I was a pubescent boy once too. And the over-the-top humour is obvious. But part of me hoped that the portrayals of men and women in popular youth media would get better, instead of worse, in 20 years. Fortunately, I believe most young het men are still capable of growing out of these ideas. Especially when they reach the maturity level where they are capable of interacting with real female humans.

F'd Ad Fridays: Racist Ramadan ads

According to 154 Media, this series of ads sparked controversy in Malaysia when non-Muslim minorities complained about the racism depicted by the Chinese tourist speaking accented English.



Using insensitive cultural stereotypes to promote cultural sensitivity. Jesus! (Oh, wait! Wrong prophet.) Let's just say it's both disturbing to see the global nature of xenophobia and comforting that some people won't stand for it.

F'd Ad Fridays: Armani Jeans presents Rihanna's underpants dance

With such a pretentious start, I was at least hoping for something shocking or weird. But no, it's just some rather chastely edited in-car outfit changing and boob jiggling by Rihanna at about :45. Then some more pretentious stuff I have already forgotten.



Aren't you glad I save you the trouble of watching these things?

Interactive Lynx vid is a lot of work for not much payoff

That's what she said:



When you click the timeline and click "5738" the tiresome innuendo of this video gets shortened to a few seconds of mild amusement.

Again, "That's what she said".

Via Copyranter

Axe turns a single sexual pun into more than a minute of online ad

Because Canadian history and identity are so entwined with the humble little Castor canadensis, we're pretty used to these kinds of jokes. So, while this ad is somewhat funny at first, it could easily have been written by any hoser in Grade 9.



And here's my mental narrative:

Ha! "Beaver"! Oh, that history lesson is so awkwardly sexual when read over the sexy video. Oh, that was a good one! ... Okay, end now. ... Is that still going?

I guess that's why it has had <5K views in three months.

Copywriting: Getting lame dudes laid since the invention of language

While my wedding photos can't deny that a way with words can allow a man to date way out of his league, I'm not sure I'm convinced by this copywriter's self promo:



Erika, however, sounds well-qualified as a social marketer. Tell her to get dressed and send me a CV.

(Tip via Ads of The World)

F'd Ad Fridays: Inside the mind of a zoophiliac

These two shorts from Zoochosis, "a place to view short films, documentaries, articles and visual art, all about to the plight of animals like yourself living in modern society."




Zoochosis: Bears from Zoochosis on Vimeo.


The word "zoochosis" is a term for the psychological problems experiences by captive animals. But as these shorts show, we ourselves are suffering from it.


Thanks to BurnRed for the tip. Ding! Ding!

Chipotle is killing them softly with this song

Don't get me wrong. I eat meat, and I prefer to eat ethical meat. I also love the aesthetics of this straight-to web video by Chipotle, who use a gentle Willie Nelson cover of Coldplay's "The Scientist" and a wonderful animation by London's Johnny Kelly to promote their move to more sustainable food systems.



I applaud them on the effort, although I remain skeptical that a large fast food chain can be as local and low-tech as that. They have, however donated more than $2 million over the past two years to philanthropic organizations including Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, The Nature Conservancy, FamilyFarmed.org, The Lunch Box and the Niman Ranch Scholarship Fund. 

They've also been at this since last year:




Do you buy it?


(Thanks to @jayham for the tip.)

Bieberpocalypse shows epic failure of user-based moderation

I've written plenty about the idiocy of Facebook's policy of acting instantly on any complaint about inappropriate content, whether justified or not, and leaving the victimized user to prove they were wronged. It has been used by prudes to complain about non-sexual nudity, by political movements to ban social ad campaigns they disagree with, and who knows what else?

Well, YouTube has a similar policy of "yank first, ask questions later." And this policy was used today by a troublemaker called iLCreation who made an unsubstantiated copyright claim on every single Justin Beiber video on his official Vevo channel — leading to their wholesale removal — according to TMZ.



That's right. Even that awful video with over 600 million views got removed because an anonymous user made a claim against it. And boy, were his fans mad.

Relax, Beliebers. He's back online now.

But considering the unbelievable power that Facebook and YouTube have put into the hands of every single internet loser with a chip on his or her shoulder to stifle argument and destroy multi-million dollar marketing campaigns, maybe it's time to put smarter moderation in place?

I'm just saying.

Sexy done right in FCUK ad?

Forget American Apparel's amateur porn. Never mind Calvin Klein's gangbangs. The most sensual shirt ad you will see today is this delicate video by French Connection UK:



This ad was, one must assume, aimed at women. Because when they aim their ads at men, they look more like this:

F'd Ad Fridays: The most awkward jingle from the '70s?

This bizarre old RC Cola spot from Australia features an impressively unsingable jingle, "unusual hair", bumcrack and sideboob:



Well, okay then.

Neo-nationalism... now in chocolate bar form

This fascinating case study from Romania provides insights into the love/hate relationship between Eastern Europe and American globalism.

Basically, a chocolate brand based on the country's identity challenged apathetic youth by faking a stars-and-stripes rebranding — complete with new packaging fake ads:



I'm not sure how authentic its claims of grassroots protest are, but the approach is interesting and the executions are funny. (Although stirring up that kind of angry patriotism always makes me a little uncomfortable.)